Once drunken, twice…

Having a friend try to get you drunk a second time and not succeeding again is hilarious.

I'm writing this as my hair dries — yes, I know, you probably could read that wrongly with that perverted mind of yours, why my friend wants me drunk, but no. I know of a couple of underage people who read this blog (or at least I hope they do), so before any authority figures or parents swoop down on me for promoting drinking, let's get this straight — I think getting drunk all the time is pure stupidity. Drinking alcohol in moderate amounts, over a stretched timeline that, in my case, was 10 months ago, without paying a single cent for it and not nursing a monster hangover is fine. Which is what I'm doing. And plan to keep that way. So if you have a kid reading this, or if you're someone in charge of a social institution I belong to, get off my case.

I call him Dex. It's short for Dexter, but his real name is -z. We met on the internet. He's studying in the UK. Before he left for good in August '05 if I'm not mistaken, he tried to get me drunk, once, and failed miserably. Not only did I not puke, manage to have control over essential motor functions and wake up without any trace of a hangover the next morning in addition to remembering every single thing that happened, he also broke his camera since a friend of his got really drunk, puked and dropped it.

He's back for his summer break. I know, I know, some holier-than-thou people at this point are going to go: "See, look at Owen. The best way to not get drunk is to not have friends who drink in the first place!" Cut the facetious crap. I understand the Christian perspective about behavioural dependence. What I don't understand is how you're trying to impress only God-knows-who with your farcical comments, how you think that your lovely sheltered little life is going to go on forever, how you think you're going to go through life without touching a drop of alcohol, or having only teetotallers for friends. Unless you're going to go to a life of serving in the ministry, which I highly doubt is the case, your point is moot. Because if I can predict comments like these, it's because I've heard you say it before. But that's irrelevant to the topic.

Dex tried the good 'ol "Cheat at Chor Tai Ti to make Owen drunk" tactic, which wasn't working the second time around. The first time that happened was when there was this 8-person game going on, and they were passing cards underneath the table and making me lose, and drink each time I did. I lost about 7 to 8 rounds that night. Having come out of that ordeal fine, I told him not to do it again. And watched him to make sure he wouldn't. And prayed hard, because I was tired, drinking while you're tired sucks, sucking at Chor Tai Ti while you're drunk sucks. And my prayers were answered, because I beat the odds for 3, 4 consecutive rounds and got two 2's every round.

Drinking itself isn't really a problem, if you don't have it neat. There is nothing on earth that can describe the taste of a 40% alcohol drink to someone whose virgin lips might have sipped a bit of the 1% Jolly Shandy come Chinese New Year, or chugged a bit of the 5% Carlsberg pressed onto you three times by that unforgivingly annoying, constantly drunk uncle. "Neat" is a term for no ice, no Coke/Sprite added, nothing. Just plain. The closest description would be liquid burning toxic smoke, but that doesn't even come close to how you feel after that, and a few hours after that if you don't puke or sleep before.

I realised just now in the shower that I had alchohol rashes. Which's one of the known side-effects. It really varies from person to person, so this can be rather subjective — I have a high level of alcohol tolerance. In the two times I've been drinking, like I mentioned earlier, I managed to maintain a degree of normalcy throughout. You get a hangover from drinking everything but water, the headache generated comes from your brain membrane shrinking from dehydration tugging at your skull. Which is where drinking lots of water comes in.

The taste of alcoholic drinks suck. This might come as a shock to a lot of you given that I willingly follow this friend of mine, but I do it because he finds it something he enjoys, I don't judge him for it, the last time I seriously drank was a long time ago. The conditioning you've been brought up to, an Asian-Christian upbringing usually means that you're going to find the taste of alcohol repulsive unless it's mixed with soft drinks or is 5% or less. So that's one thing. The second is that the amount of control over yourself that you slowly lose as you get more and more intoxicated — it's equal to the effect of not sleeping for 24 hours or more, and unless you have an existence as empty and hollow as the bottle of Chivas Regal five of us drained, you won't like it.

I had two neats, one mixed with Coke, and what felt like 3/4ths of a Tiger beer bottle, the 1 litre kind. I have went to the toilet six or so times in the past few hours. My pecs and lower back are covered with a fine, red rash much like sunburn, I'm starting to feel sleepy at 7 in the a.m, my hair is dry and I still think the whole concept of drinking as stated by the world at large sucks, as does the concept of paying a lot of money (let your rich friends do so, but don't overdo it. (; ) for something that tastes terrible.

Of course, that's because I think my concept of damage control's superior. Hey, what's a full bladder to dead brain cells?

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